HowtoLaughOutLoud

Remember My Love
By Misster Cackles
Rating: M
Warnings: Yaoi, profanity, sexual content, abuse, character death, religious hints
Pairings: Kaiba Seto x Jounouchi Katsuya
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot and a few OCs

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Chapter Three – Just Another Sunday

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Two weeks later, Sunday afternoon

"Do you like meatloaf?"

Once again, Jounouchi Katsuya was reading, lowering his chin just a bit closer to his chest so he could read above the silver frames, legs draped over the arm of the cushioned chair. A paperback, this time, opened between his fingers as his eyes raced each word, occasionally going back to re-read the sentence, his other hand tucked across his chest and under his arm. He'd move his hand only to flip the page, an action that might confuse a few Japanese people. Katsuya was reading yet another English book, reading left to right, an uncommon thing to do in Japan. He would've laughed if he hadn't been so caught up in his book - it was uncommon to read right to left in most English societies. Katsuya was not, however, reading Steven King's Desperation - he'd lost his copy when he went home, set it down somewhere with the rest of the books and just...couldn't find them again. He hated when that happened.

So now, to occupy him while waiting for his therapy appointment - Katsuya had brought along a few books from one of his favorite series - The Darren Shan Saga, or Cirque du Freak- the title he actually preferred since he was studying French. He'd read it before, of course, and re-read it a couple dozen of times - one through nine, at least, from the introduction to death of his favorite character, the vampire, Larten Crepsley. It was a young adult vampire series, easy enough for pre-teens to read, but it had a great plot. A bit sad, yes, but great. Katsuya had to wonder idly, though; what was up with him and having favorite characters that ended up dying some where in the series? He smirked slightly, and continued reading, turning the page before laying the book to rest on his knee so he could clean his lenses, annoyed. He should really consider getting contacts...

Katsuya took a swift look around the waiting room again when he heard the faint click of the door handle about to open. The room was a business area, desk and phone to take appointments, and a lounge for the patients who came in early and felt like waiting; Katsuya couldn't really blame them – it was a pleasant room and the music was nice. It sounded like something out of a forest, but that wasn't it, you could still hear the woodwinds. Katsuya lightly scolded himself; that had made no sense at all. Other than that, anyways, on the coffee table there were small refreshments of nibble food such as crackers and cookies (those presumably for the children that came in for their own appointments), and magazines on family communication. Katsuya snorted at the irony of him and those specific glossy magazines. The door had opened fully, behind Katsuya's head (his chair was on the same wall as the door), and he craned his neck to the left to gaze over his shoulder, pulling his legs off from the armrest and turning to sit properly.

A woman, a little older than him it seemed, had exited, with a little girl, both looking extremely timid and shy. They both had red cheeks, so it wasn't hard to tell that they had been crying in the office. The woman wore a slightly oversized black turtleneck (Katsuya didn't want to guess what she might have been covering) with a long flowing skirt, and she held the hand of the child, who hid behind her mother's legs in that cute, shy kid way (presumably) from Katsuya. He smiled at her, making her blush a little in return and bury her face in her mother's skirt. Katsuya's smile grew; most teenagers might have been horrible, but kids were, well, cute! The doctor followed the woman out of the room.

"Ah, Jounouchi! You're early!" Dr. Howard, a middle aged American therapist, smiled warmly at him, and invited the woman for an introduction. He gave her a smile, too, one of encouragement, putting his hands on her shoulders to guide her somewhat. He started speaking in English, "Mary, this is Jounouchi Katsuya. He's mute, but not only does he understand English, he can sign it." He pronounced Mary as one would ‘Marie’, with the hint of a French accent. Katsuya nodded, smiling and extended his hand while standing, book placed on the table. She took it shakily. Howard turned to Katsuya, "Jounouchi, this is Mary Roselle. She's new to Japan, and she also mute.

"Nice to meet you, Mary. I hope Dr. Howard hasn't frightened you out of Japan already?”Katsuya had known the therapist for a long time now; the same therapist whomhe’d had his earliest sessions with right after that fire. Nowadays he would still go in for an appointment occasionally, but he'd offer the man out for a drink when off the clock.

She smiled shyly, studying his face almost undetected, letting go of her daughter's hand to answer, "Nice to meet you, too, Jonochi."- Katsuya didn't correct her misspelling - "No, it's not him that's scaring me out already." Katsuya frowned discretely at that, masking it as inquiry, but she didn't elaborate. He had a suspicion and ran over her appearance for any naked injuries. She had short, ruffled bleached white hair, and bright green eyes - very unusual combination. Mary gave a silent groan, signed, "Please excuse my daughter..." He noticed from the corner of his eye that the freed girl made for the cookies with delight. He grinned at the girl and made a small wave to her. She waved back, one hand on the cookie in her mouth, but she ran back to her mother and buried her face again.

"She's a very cute kid."

"Thank you. Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you Jounouchi. And," she turned back to Howard, "thank you for the session, Dr. Howard. I'll see you again later this week." Katsuya quickly placed a hand on her shoulder, to hold her back for a moment, but he hadn't expected her to flinch (well, he kind of had because of his suspicions, but not so bad). He signed when she looked back apologetically.

"Perhaps, maybe sometime later this week, I could show you the good things of Japan so you won't be tempted to leave so early?" No, he wasn't asking her on a date, but he had felt obliged to do something... She seemed so...like him, if you will. Mary looked torn between the two answers, but finally nodded, uncertain still. Katsuya smiled as warmly as he could, "And maybe, perhaps after your next session, your daughter could come as well." She glanced down at her child, and back to Katsuya, and nodded again. He smiled bigger, waving as she left.

"Good move, Jounouchi." Doctor Howard invited him inside the conference room, by passing the question if he'd like to use the vibration enhancer, used for the mute patients (Katsuya never liked to use it anyway). "Mary needed something like that. She had some trouble with her previous engagement, surely you noticed her state." He sat down in a large black leather chair, opposite of the therapy couch, where Katsuya made himself comfortable. The room was scarcely furnished; couch, table, lamp table, and chair. There was a plant on the table, and the room was warmly colored - Katsuya liked earth tones; they made him calm. He picked the electronic device up from the table in front of them (mostly likely used for Mary’s session), ignoring the doctor's surprised expression. He cleared his throat professionally.

"But now's not the time to talk of my other patients. This is your time; I was surprised to have gotten an e-mail from you asking for a session actually, but please, do not rush things out; take your time," he said.

Katsuya leaned further back into the couch, really taking his time, arms on his chest in a position where they could keep the vibration device under his chin without getting tired. He clicked the button and pressed it firmly underneath in the space between his chin and the nook where his head connected with hisneck. His voice came out like a machine, "I'm ready when you are." Releasing the button, he grimaced; he hated it, that sound, so inhuman... But it was easier for him – it hadalways been easier for him to voice his thoughts. Howard nodded, and retrieved a tiny tape record from his pocket, pushed the red button to announce who he was with, the date and whatnot. He followed by pulling the pen from behind his ear and held it to the clip board he'd been carrying.

"How have you been doing, Jounouchi? Since the last time I saw you, of course, five months ago." Dr. Howard had a kind way of talking, able to coax most anyone into talking of their problems. Katsuya wasn't so sure if that was a good thing now, considering why he was here.

Katsuya clicked it again, "Alright, I suppose... I don't know, really. The school's been good, home is fine, and friends are making it out well too, when I hear from them..."

"When was the last time you spoke to your friends, Jounouchi, e-mail wise, of course?"

Click. "About a month ago; everyone's busy, I don't blame them though - they all got really important stuff to do."

Howard scribbled something, "And how does that make you feel?"

Katsuya gave him a soft pointed glare, and clicked the button, "You know very well how that makes me feel; I'm lonely here by myself in the city."

"Why don't you quit your job and travel with the rest of them?"

"I don't know...! I would, but what would I do? The only job I could find was as a JSL teacher."

"You could probably work as a librarian, Jounouchi - you like to read, don't forget."

"Yeah, how could I?" He just forgot why he liked reading so much.

Howard paused a moment, scrutinizing him. "Have you been having any nightmares lately, Jounouchi? About the fire? Or have any sudden flashbacks been happening?"

Jounouchi hesitated, coughing slightly, "Flashbacks stopped a little way back when – I think the side effects from the med have worn off by now, but I still have trouble remembering important details of my life, like how I learned English."

The aging man gave him a soft smile, "Don't worry about it; it'll come to you in time, that's why I'm not too worried of the flashbacks; they're helping you. And so, the dreams now?"

"The dreams...erm, sometimes..."

"Are they getting better at all?"

"Uh, yeah, somewhat..."

"Since when have they, Jounouchi?"

"Sometime after two weeks ago - less than two weeks ago, pardon."

"What happened two weeks ago, do you remember? Take your time."

"I was at Barnes & Noble, like usual, ya know... I was at the counter, teasing this broad... She went to go get her manager, and - don't give me that look, Howard; I didn't start anythin'. She was scared that I might report her in because she couldn't understand sign language. Well, anyways, I get into readin' my stuff, but all of a sudden, after twelve freakin' years I meet..." Er, should he actually say he saw the Kaiba Seto? "...someone..."

The therapist raised a brow in amusement. "That's a pretty specific two weeks ago - did something happen when you met...'someone'? Hadn't all your friends gone?"

The amber eyed, blonde haired man gave him another glare, "You're just begging for me to say something crazy, aren't ya?"

Smirking back dryly, Howard said, "Well, claiming to talk to your sister's angel isn't quite normal, unless you're still grieving or have gone into a sequence of insanity where you're wishing for a loved one to return." He took a look at the cross on Katsuya's chest and pointed it out, "Please do not cross religion in with our sessions, Jounouchi; I'm not a religious man.” Katsuya mumbled something about having the only non-neutral therapist, but didn’t hold it against him.

To beperfectly honest, neither was Katsuya. He had only looked into the religion business because when he'd first cometo this silver cross was linked around his neck. He thought that maybe if he wore it and understood what the symbol meant, he might been able to gain some of his memories back; there were dull areas in his memory from after the fire indicating that he had been out of the hospital for quite some time before returning again...

"I'm not much of one either - I don't remember where I got this thing," he gripped it with his free hand, "But still - Shizuka said I should shove all your spiritual advice up the ass. And I'm putting that lightly." Katsuya stared at him blankly. In truth, he was saying it more vulgar than she had.

Howard blinked and laughed in response, "Does she now?"

Getting back on topic, Katsuya returned with, "It was..." he thought about where exactly he should place Seto, "...an acquaintance."

Howard cleared his throat and appeared business likeagain, his brow merging with his hairline, "That's it?"

"What else am I suppose to call him?! I don't exactly hate him - well, not now at least, I think; he was a bastard in school..."

"This isn't a student of yours, is it?"

"No, no - someone I went to school with way back when."

"Well, what happened when you met with this man?"

"I don't know... We used to bicker, a lot. We could never stand each other at all. Sometimes we'd get into fist fights - he'd always win, though. But the last time I saw him before now was at graduation, and now..." Katsuya stared at the cream colored wall before him. And now...? And now, what? So what if he met Kaiba Seto after twelve years! It's not suppose to mean anything - you catch up a little, go grab a coffee, catch up some more, then try to hook up again later! There's nothing to 'and now'.

It did mean something to him, but he just couldn't place it!

"And now...?" The blonde growled some, coming out louder since he left the vibration enhancer on - he'd just been through this with himself... Well that's the point of therapy, Katsuya, talk to therapist, he retorted inside.

"Nothing."

"And now nothing? He didn't say hello to you at all? Were you expecting him to, Jounouchi - like you said, you two argued."

"Well, we did say hello." Bits and pieces of Seto and his' conversation began to replay for the umpteenth time through his mind. "When did you get glasses?" "A long while ago, when I first came back from the trip after Graduation...koinu." He said he had learned sign language before him...

"Would that be considered unusual for him?"

Katsuya snapped back to Howard, "Hu?"

"You said he learnt sign language beforeyou had; would that have been unusual for him?"

Oh. He'd been thinking aloud that time. One of the pluses of being mute for those who regularly thought aloud. "Er, not unless he lied to me at Graduation, and he's someone who never actually lies."

"So you think he learned sometime around the accident?"

"I don't know...!" Katsuya groaned again; that's probably one of the things that left him frustrated the most, "He claims it was for business, but do you know any great companies lead with by a man or woman with speech difficulties? I don't. And it's not only that! The whole time I was there we weren't bickering, and I dunno, I was happy that we weren't!"

Howard smirked lightly with a thought, scribbling itdown on his clipboard, "Are you confused, Jounouchi?"

Katsuya gave him another glare, "Very."

"With whom?"

The blond blinked, "Pardon?"

"With whom are you confused, him or... yourself?" Katsuya thought a minute on that; if Howard was suggesting something, it never went without reason. What is he implying...?

"If you're still having trouble, list why you're confused with this man."

That was easier; "He was having civil conversation with me - that would make me confused enough. Um... That broad was bothering him, so he wanted to be alone with me to talk, I guess. Uhm, he smirked, but it wasn't a snotty smirk like he always gave me - almost like a smile, if you will, kinda."

"Should he do it more?"

"Yeah," Katsuya said without thinking, but berated himself right quick, "Er, uh, I don't care if does...!" Howard smiled at him again.

"Are you still confused at yourself?"

"No...yes...no...should I be?"

"You tell me, Jounouchi."

He stared at the wall again, brows knitted together upward in worry. Should he be confused? No one should be confused... It's all Kaiba Seto's fault (he glanced quickly at the therapist to make sure he didn't say that out loud) that he was feeling these things. What things? I don't know! Things are things! They're bad no matter what, especially if the 'great' Kaiba Seto brings them on. Is it really that bad, do Ifeel awful? Well, no, not exactly...Katsuya groaned mentally. God, he was giving himself a therapy session duringa therapy session.

"Yes, I'm confused, alright?!"

"No, not alright. Why are you confused?"

"I don't know!" He said for the fourth time during the session. His head was hurting, and the hand that wasn't propping up the enhancer was gripping at his face and hair.

Doctor Howard thought a minute again, scribbling down yet another note. He waited a moment for his frustrated patient to calm down before asking another question. "Are you beginning to like this man?"

Katsuya faced the aging doctor very slowly, "What kind of 'like' are you implying, Howard?" He had a feeling he knew where this was going...

"Friendly-like, close-friendly-like, like-like…perhaps love-like." He said with a quirk of the lips.

Bingo.

Katsuya automatically riled up with blush on his face, "No, no, NO! Of course not! Friendly-like, perhaps even close-friendly-like, but uh, no!"

"Alright. Close-friendly-like, then." That quirk was still there, though. It was silent again for a few minutes. Doctor Howard watched him carefully, waiting for him to speak more of this mystery man, but Katsuya was staring at the wall, thinking for what had to be the umpteenth time about his encounter with Seto. Kaiba Seto... Katsuya really couldn't believe that he'd been going to Barnes & Noble for three years without knowing that he was the manager.

"How about New Released English Non-fiction?"

Katsuya blinked from his thoughts, "Hey, doc?"

"Jounouchi?"

"You know Barnes & Noble, don't you? You go there a lot often, right?"

"Certainly."

"Do you know if they have a New Released English Non-Fiction section?"

The therapist blinked at him quite a few times before answering slowly, "Not that I'm aware of, Jounouchi." They closed the session soon after that, which Katsuya was grateful for; he had school papers to grade from fifth period.

At home, the blond completed his work, finishing it with a dazed look. In fear of forgetting his students' work in the morning, he placed fifth period's stack of accomplished and graded papers on top of first's, and as he entered the house again, Katsuya began to wonder what he was just doing outside...

No matter - he still needed to score fifth period's assignments, having forgotten to do it over the weekend.

Now where had he misplaced those papers to...?

---

Fire. The fire. Oh, God... The fire was so hot... He could see the door, but the flames surrounded him on all sides, roaring with sadistic laughter, licking at him, making him scream. He looked down, his feet in excruciating pain - they were blistering with the floor so hot. The cackling was becoming louder, and all he could hear was that maniacal laughter ringing all throughout his head - HAHAHAHA!! – all he could breathe was the smoke from the fire. The fire. Oh, God... The fire was so hot... The door, the door... It was so far away... He was sobbing, but there were no tears, the inferno absorbed all moisture.He needed to get out of this hellish pit or he was sure to die, but his feet were blistered, and the skin torn each time he tried to pick up his feet, they were bleeding now. He cried. So hot...

Then there was that smell, that awful, horrible smell of alcohol, so heavy and thick in the smoky air, making him gag even more. He believed it to be what had started the fire in the first place, just the air of it, someone striking a match would be enough to blow the room in flames. As he thought of the horrible scent, beer poured in from somewhere fast, an ankle deep pool of brew, enhancing the fire. No, no, he needed water to put out the fire. The alcohol made him sick, he was going to be sick... The door, so far away... Hot, hot, hot... God, he felt so sick...

The brew's only good feature was that it allowed him easier movement, but it burned; the alcohol was boiling, and he was boiling alive. He sobbed more; this was getting him nowhere... The door moved back as he neared...so far away... The fire. Oh, God... The fire was so hot, the door, so far away... His stomach clenched, he was sick... The flames licked more of him, the laughter even louder than the roar of the incoming brew. It laughed at him. It was so sadistic, that sound of laughter, so cruel... He's sick, so hot... The God awful smell made him sick. HAHAHAHA!!

The boiling brew splashed as he fell on to his knees, emptying out the continents of his stomach, but as he gasped for air to come back into his lungs he only got the smoke. The thick, black clouds smothered him. His vision was getting blurry, he was going to die, going to die, going to die... He screamed, screamed out of fear; he didn't want to die, but he wished for its peace - so hot...burning, his skin crisp and turning a shade blacker. Blood seeped through the cracks, boiling along with the beer. Hot, burning, fire, flames, that smell - that terrible smell now mixed with the smell of a burning corpse, his squirming corpse... The heat, so unbearable - why him? Why...? Why won't he just fall over and die already!? Fire. The fire. Oh, God... The fire was so hot... And the door still so far away, well, he wasn't moving anyway, but he could still wish it in front of him...

HAHAHAHA!! So loud, it echoed everywhere, even beyond the door. It hurt, it hurt so much - everything that laughter was doing, it hurt so much, like these flames. One would think you'd get past the point of feeling anything with how much he's burned, but that wasn't the case. The fire hurt, so fucking bad, it burned him so bad... Save him... Fire. The fire. Oh, God... The fire was so hot and the smell, that terrible smell made him sick, and that sound of cruelty made his body shake violently with fear in the boiling brew. He couldn't breathe, no matter how hard he wheezed, the smoke constricted his lungs. The light roar of beer spilling in from that somewhere hadn't ceased, but the alcohol hadn't gone past his bloody ankles. Hot, hot, hot... The door, just open the door, so far away - can't reach it...

The door opened, reveling the face of a beautiful girl, a girl that shone so pure that she glowed, even with that cruel sound coming from behind her. No sin she'd committed, but she reached out her arm to grab a hold of his tainted, bloody, burnt hand and pulled him forward. He screamed again - the fire had grown and licked all over his body, but she just smiled at him so sweetly, tears running down her face silently as she tugged him to his bloody, blistered feet and pulled him gently forward,slowly as though teaching him how to walk. She was so warm, but a good kind of warm that made his skin tingle, and spine shiver out all that fear. She smelled so good, too, her scent overpowering that of the God awful alcohol - she smelled fresh, like spring, and her bright eyes danced with a different kind of fire. The fire of determination. She pulled him a little harder to speed his process, as ifshe thought that he was still in danger, but that laughter - HAHAHAHA!! - still held him tight, laughing at the both of them now.

His savior turned around fully and wrapped him in an embrace. Despite the condition of his skin, it hadn't hurt at all, and he was so thankful, he sobbed again. The next thing that he heard was so beautiful he cried harder, her voice was more perfectthan that ofa thousand angels straight from Heaven's choir, and diminished that laughter, that cruel cackling.

"Go on, Katsuya, right through the door. He'll watch over you now." The tears continued down her face and onto his bare burnt chest, his shirt long ago burned to ash, feeling as cool as ice. She smiled so beautiful, so sweetly to him, it made his heart ache. He had to ask, even though he knew the answer, the smiles and tears told him the answer.

"What 'bout you? You're coming, right?" She just smiled brighter, so innocently, as she cried silently, no mind to wipe the tears. He couldn't help but cry, too.

"Go on, Katsuya," she said again, his angel said in a soothing manner, "That demon won't hurt you any more, He'll watch over you now.” She lightly ran her hand over his crisped black shoulder, and it miraculously healed right in front of his eyes to his original pale skin - scarred heavily, yes, but skin nonetheless. "I'll watch over you, too, with him. Go through the door, Katsuya."

He leaned over her shoulder and sobbed harder, loudly, holding her close - he wanted her to come with him, his angel. "P-Please c-come with m-me. I-I don-don't know wha-what I'll d-do... I-I don-don't kn-know noth-nothing beyond th-this pain... Pl-please come wit-with me!" He didn't know anymore than this, that was the truth - his whole life has been pain, over and over, all from that monster, but this light had shown him good - he didn't want her to exchange her life for his, his wasn't worth it, not with all these years wasted in agony... Let him wither; let her be free.

She looked at him meaningfully, but still kindly, and cupped his cheek, "I willalways be there, always with you. I will help guide you, and He will help give you the strength, while he will watch over you from the living as he has promised me. We will watch over you, and don't you everdoubt it, Katsuya, that we're not watching. Live, Katsuya, live for yourself, and carry me with you in your heart."

He'd never cried so much in his life, but all he knew was that the fire was gone, the boiling sensation at his feet had quit, his lungs filled with the freshest air from Heaven, and everything was quiet other than her words and his choked sobs. His feet had ceased their bleeding, the smell had disappeared, and the surrounding atmosphere had started to chill considerably. All that remained in that room were the terrorizing scorch marks that traveled around the walls of what had been.

He bent down a little to kiss her forehead, and he hugged her still with tears, long and tight he held her. Slowly, limping quite a bit, but with her support, he was led to the door, and before the other side took hold of him, he turned to her and said the saddest and hardest goodbye he had ever made.

"G-Good-b-bye, Shizuka..."

As soon as he stepped beyond the panel, the door slammed closed in his face, and from the under the crack he could see the fire roaring up again, hear the cruel laughter echoing along the walls, and smell that God awful smell. The demon had her, and no matter what happenedto her inside, he couldn’t hear his baby sister utter sounds of pain or retching - nothing at all. She had taken his pain from him to bear it for herself, and he felt so guilty... He slid down the door's frame and buried his face in his hands and let everything out.

His sister...his poor baby sister...she sacrificed herself to save his withered life. Never in his life had he wanted the fire so bad. Why had he survived? He'd been in there for so much longer than her, why did he not die!? He choked on a sob. Kill him, kill him now with that fire; he deserved it for everything he did wrong - she was so pure. WHAT HAD SHE DONE TO DESERVE THAT FATE!? With a yell of anguish, he stood and wrenched open the door to only stand in an empty bright white room, chilled slightly with a headstone in the corner of it.

Kawai Shizuka - a wonderful sister and friend to all. Rest in piece.

He knelt in front of it, cheeks wet now with moisture, but the tears had stopped a long while ago. He had been brutally taught that tears never solved anything, and for the first time he agreed to it; his tears couldn't bring his sister back. With this realization, a small tingle of warmth enveloped his body, the same kind he felt when he felt her with him, tugging at his hands. She was watching him... He wanted to keep that so bad... Keep her close.

"I will keep you close..." Another kind of warmth shocked him, as he was pulled into yet another embrace that night. Warm, strong arms crossed over his now healed, though scarred chest, pulling him closer to the body behind him. He felt a little dazed; so much had happened, and he felt so light headed... He leaned against the other male with no effort, silent tears flowing slowly down his cheeks. The other hummed in disapproval and thumbed the tears away.

"I know," the new comer said, "I know." So familiar, that voice... "It'll be alright; I'll take care of you." ...but used so kindly. He rolled his head to see the man's face, but he was only met with blue.

The most fabulous blue ever, and he took the dive right in and allowed sleep to overtake him.

---

TBC

 
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